


On The Head of A Pin (4.16)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [76]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 66 Seals (Supernatural), Angel Blade, Angel Garrison, BAMF Castiel, BAMF Dean, Dean's Amulet, Demon Blood, Demonology, Devil's Trap, Donuts, Enochian, Exorcism, Fallen Angels, Holy Water, Lucifer - Freeform, Ruby's Knife, Salt, Telekinesis, Unconsciousness, angel lore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-30 01:38:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8513755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: Someone has capped seven angels, n' Castiel n' Uriel recruit Dean ta invigorate they prisoner, Alastair, ta learn whoz ass tha killa is.





	1. Now

EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET - NIGHT  
  
Car alarms blare. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Several rides up in various statez of smashed ta pieces is up in tha street. CASTIEL appears n' silences tha alarms yo. Dude strutts all up in tha wreckage ta tha body of a biatch. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude moves part of her threadz off her neck; dat freaky freaky biatch has been jabbed ta dirtnap.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Goodbye, sister.  
  
Popo rides arrive. Officers rush tha fuck into tha scene.  
  
**OFFICER**  
What tha hell?  
  
An aerial view of tha biatchz corpse fo' realz. A spotlight from a helicopta illuminates tha ground on either side, where tha image of wings has been seared tha fuck into tha asphalt.


	2. Act One

EXT. ROAD - NIGHT  
  
SAM is driving.  
  
**SAM**  
Ruby will hook up our asses outside Cheyenne. Dat hoe been trackin some leads. I know she not exactly on yo' Chrizzle list yo, but if dat thugged-out biiiatch can help our asses git ta Lilith—  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo, dude, work wit Ruby, don't. I don't straight-up give a ratz ass.  
  
**SAM**  
Whatz yo' problem?  
  
**DEAN**  
Pamela didn't want anythang ta do wit dis n' our phat asses dragged her back tha fuck into it, Sam.  
  
**SAM**  
Bitch knew what tha fuck was at stake.  
  
**DEAN**  
Oh yeah. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Savin tha ghetto. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And our phat asses bustin such a thugged-out damn phat thang of dat shit.  
  
**SAM**  
Dean—  
  
**DEAN**  
I be pissed wit buryin playas, Sam.  
  
**SAM**  
Look, we catch a gangbangin' fresh trail—  
  
**DEAN**  
And we follow it, I know. Like I holla'd, I be just—I be just gettin tired.  
  
**SAM**  
Well, git mad salty.  
  
INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT  
  
They enta tha room.  
  
**DEAN**  
Ah, home crappy home.  
  
SAM flips on tha lights.  
  
**URIEL**  
Winchesta n' Winchester.  
  
URIEL n' CASTIEL is waitin inside tha room.  
  
**DEAN**  
Oh come on.  
  
**URIEL**  
Yo ass is needed.  
  
**DEAN**  
Needed, biatch? Us playas just gots back from needed.  
  
**URIEL**  
Now, you mind yo' tone wit mah dirty ass.  
  
**DEAN**  
Fuck dat shit, you mind yo' damn tone wit us.  
  
**SAM**  
Us playas just gots back from Pamelaz funeral.  
  
**DEAN**  
Pamela. Yo ass know, psycho Pamela, biatch? Yo ass remember her n' shit. Cas, you remember her n' shit. Yo ass burned her eyes out. Remember that, biatch? Dope times. Yeah, then her dope ass took a dirt nap savin one of yo' precious seals. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So maybe you can stop pushin our asses round like chess pieces fo'  _five freakin minutes!_  
  
**URIEL**  
We raised you outta hell fo' our purposes.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yeah, what tha fuck was dem again, biatch? What exactly did you want from me son?  
  
**URIEL**  
Start wit gratitude.  
  
**DEAN**  
Oh.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Dean, we know dis is hard as fuck ta understand.  
  
**URIEL**  
And we—  
  
URIEL gives CASTIEL a thugged-out dope look.  
  
**URIEL**  
—couldn't give a fuckin shit. Now, seven angels done been murdered, all of dem from our garrison. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da last one was capped tonight.  
  
**DEAN**  
Demons, biatch? How tha fuck they bustin it?  
  
**URIEL**  
Us dudes don't give a gangbangin' fuck.  
  
**SAM**  
I be sorry yo, but what tha fuck do you want our asses ta do bout it, biatch? I mean, a thugged-out demon wit tha juice ta ice angels has ta be outta our league, right?  
  
**URIEL**  
We can handle tha demons, fuck you straight-up much.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Once we find whoever it is.  
  
**DEAN**  
So you need our help hustlin a thugged-out demon?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Not quite. Our thugged-out asses have Alastair.  
  
**DEAN**  
Great yo. Dude should be able ta name yo' trigger man.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
But da thug won't rap fo' realz. Alastairz will is straight-up strong. We've arrived at a impasse.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yeah, well, he like a funky-ass black belt up in torture. I mean, you muthafuckas is outta yo' league.  
  
**URIEL**  
Thatz why we've come ta his hustla. Yo ass happen ta be da most thugged-out qualified invigorator we've got.  
  
DEAN looks down.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Dean, yo ass is our dopest hope.  
  
**DEAN**  
No. No way. Yo ass can't ask me ta do this, Cas. Not all dis bullshit.  
  
URIEL strutts up ta DEAN.  
  
**URIEL**  
Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck holla'd anythang bout asking?  
  
SAM looks around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da room is empty.  
  
**SAM**  
Damn dat shiznit son!  
  
INT. BUILDING - NIGHT  
  
ALASTAIR is visible all up in a window up in a thugged-out door, chained ta a hexacle standin up in tha middle of a thugged-out devilz trap.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
This devilz trap is oldschool Enochian. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dat punk bound straight-up.  
  
**DEAN**  
Fascinating.  
  
DEAN turns away from tha door.  
  
**DEAN**  
Wherez tha door?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Where is you going?  
  
**DEAN**  
Hitch back ta Cheyenne, fuck you straight-up much.  
  
DEAN strutts past URIEL, then stops: URIEL is blockin his thugged-out lil' path.  
  
**URIEL**  
Angels is dying, boy.  
  
**DEAN**  
All Y'allz dyin these days fo' realz. And hey, I git dat shit. Yo ass be all-powerful naaahhmean, biatch? Yo ass can make me do whatever you want. But you can't make me do all dis bullshit.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
This is too much ta ask,  _I_  know. But we gotta ask dat shit.  
  
DEAN watches CASTIEL fo' a moment, then turns back ta URIEL.  
  
**DEAN**  
I wanna rap ta Cas ridin' solo.  
  
**URIEL**  
I be thinkin I be bout ta go seek revelation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We might have some further orders.  
  
**DEAN**  
Well, git some donuts while you out.  
  
URIEL laughs.  
  
**URIEL**  
Ah, dis one just won't quit, will he, biatch? I be thinkin I be startin ta like you, boy.  
  
DEAN watches URIEL vanish.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass muthafuckas don't strutt enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Yo ass is gonna git flabby.  
  
CASTIEL don't react.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass know, I be startin ta be thinkin junkless has a funky-ass betta sense of humor than you do.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Urielz tha funniest angel up in tha garrison. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. Ask mah playas.  
  
DEAN strutts up ta CASTIEL.  
  
**DEAN**  
Whatz goin on, Cas, biatch? Since when do Uriel put a leash on yo slick ass?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
My fuckin superiors have begun ta question mah sympathies.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo crazy-ass sympathies?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
I was gettin too close ta tha humans up in mah charge. Yo ass fo'sho. They feel I've begun ta express emotions. Da doorways ta doubt. This can impair mah judgment.  
  
**DEAN**  
Well, tell Uriel, or whoever...you do not want me bustin this, trust mah dirty ass.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Want it, no. But I done been holla'd at we need dat shit.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass ask me ta open dat door n' strutt all up in it, yo big-ass booty is ghon not like what tha fuck strutts back out.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
For what tha fuck itz worth, I would give anythang not ta have you do all dis bullshit.  
  
DEAN closes his wild lil' fuckin eyes.  
  
INT. ROOM - NIGHT  
  
DEAN wheels a loaded cart covered wit a cold-ass lil cloth tha fuck into tha room where ALASTAIR is imprisoned. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! ALASTAIR watches DEAN enter, grins, n' starts ta sing, movin within tha chains almost as though he is ridin' dirty.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Heaven, I be up in heaven, n' mah ass beats so dat I can hardly speak. I seem ta find tha happinizz I seek, when we up together ridin' dirty cheek ta cheek...  
  
DEAN pulls tha cloth off tha cart, revealin a assortment of torture implements fo' realz. ALASTAIR laughs. DEAN ignores his muthafuckin ass.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit. This be a straight-up serious, straight-up wack thang fo' you, biatch. I shouldn't laugh, itz just that—I mean, is they trippin like a muthafucka, biatch? They busted you ta torture me son?  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass gots one chance. One. Tell me whoz cappin' tha angels. I want a name.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Yo ass be thinkin I be bout ta peep all yo' freaky toys n' spill mah guts?  
  
**DEAN**  
Oh, you gonna spill yo' guts, one way or another n' shit. I just didn't wanna fuck up mah shoes.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Oh, yeah.  
  
**DEAN**  
Now answer tha question.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Or what, biatch? You'll work me over, biatch? But then, maybe you don't want to. Maybe you is, ah, scared to.  
  
**DEAN**  
I be here, aren't I?  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Not entirely. Yo ass left part of yo ass back up in tha Pit. Letz peep if we can git tha two of y'all back together again, shall we?  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass is gonna be pissed tha fuck off.  
  
DEAN strutts over ta tha cart.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Yo ass aint pissed tha fuck off me so far. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass gotta want a lil payback fo' every last muthafuckin thang I did ta you, biatch. For all tha pokes n' prodz yo. Hm?  
  
DEAN is impassive.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
No, biatch? Um...how bout fo' all tha thangs I did ta yo' daddy?  
  
DEANz head comes up.  
  
INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT  
  
SAM opens tha door fo' RUBY.  
  
**RUBY**  
I can still smell dem wild-ass muthafuckas. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Seriously, Sam, I aint exactly dyin ta tangle wit angels again.  
  
**SAM**  
I need you ta smoke up where they took Dean.  
  
**RUBY**  
Not shizzle I peep tha problem. Yo ass know they have Alastair strung up six ways from Sunday. It make me wanna hollar playa! Dean cuts his dirty ass a slice, Alz reduced ta a quiverin heap, n' tha phat muthafuckas git tha goods. Whatz wack wit that?  
  
**SAM**  
Dude can't do dat shit.  
  
**RUBY**  
Look, I git dat shit. Yo ass don't want his ass goin all torture masta again.  
  
**SAM**  
No. I mean, his schmoooove ass can't do it yo. Dude can't git tha thang done. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Somethang happened ta his ass downstairs, Ruby. Dat punk not what tha fuck he used ta be. Dat punk not phat enough.  
  
**RUBY**  
And yo ass is?  
  
**SAM**  
I'ma be.  
  
INT. PRISON ROOM - NIGHT  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
I had yo' pop on mah rack fo' close ta a cold-ass lil century.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass can't stall alllll muthafuckin day.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Jizzy Winchesta n' shit. Made a phat name fo' his dirty ass fo' realz. A hundred muthafuckin years fo' realz. Afta each session, I'd make his ass tha same offer I made you, biatch. I'd put down mah blade if he picked one up.  
  
**DEAN**  
Just break off tha demonz name, Alastair.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
But da perved-out muthafucka holla'd nein each n' every last muthafuckin time. Oh, damned if I couldn't break his muthafuckin ass.  
  
DEAN takes off his fuckin leather jacket.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Pulled up all tha stops yo, but John, da thug was, well, made of suttin' unique. Da shiznit of heroes fo' realz. And then came Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dean Winchesta n' shit.. n' you KNOWS I was up against it again.  
  
DEAN dranks from a funky-ass forty of suttin' probably alcoholic.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
But daddyz lil girl, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass broke yo. Dude broke up in thirty. Oh, just not tha playa yo' daddy wanted you ta be, huh, Dean?  
  
DEAN puts down tha bottle.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Now.  
  
DEAN picks up a jigger n' fills it from a big-ass forty of wata dat has a rosary up in dat shit.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Now we gettin somewhere, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho yo. Holy water, biatch? Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Grasshopper, you gonna gotta git creatizzle ta impress mah dirty ass.  
  
DEAN looks up finally.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass know something, Alastair, biatch? I could still dream. Even up in hell fo' realz. And over n' over n' over, you know what tha fuck I dreamt, biatch? I dreamt of dis moment.  
  
ALASTAIR begins ta look nervous. DEAN picks up a needle.  
  
**DEAN**  
And believe me, I gots all dem ideas.  
  
DEAN fills tha needle from tha jigger, sprays a lil wata from it, n' goes over ta ALASTAIR.  
  
**DEAN**  
Letz git started.  
  
INT. NEXT ROOM - NIGHT  
  
CASTIEL hears ALASTAIR screaming.


	3. Act Two

INT. PRISON ROOM - NIGHT  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Oh, man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Ooh.  
  
DEAN puts tha needle back on tha cart wit his other tools.  
  
**DEAN**  
Let me know if you want some mo' n' mo' n' mo'. Therez fuckloadz left.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Go directly ta hell. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.  
  
DEAN smiles.  
  
INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT  
  
RUBY chants, holdin a lit candle ta tha corner of a map. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM watches tha fire spread round tha edges.  
  
**RUBY**  
Relax. Da fire is our playa yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. Besides, tha only part of tha map we need is tha 'wherez Dean?' part. Out.  
  
Da flames vanish. Da map is charred ta unreadability; a lil' small-ass circle up in tha middle is untouched.  
  
**RUBY**  
There, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Yo crazy-ass brotherz there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. It aint nuthin but a phat thang angels aren't concerned wit hidin they dirty bidnizz. Not used ta bein spied on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I mean, who'd be wack enough ta try?  
  
**SAM**  
Ruby, itz been weeks. I need dat shit.  
  
**RUBY**  
Yo ass don't seem too aiiight bout dat shit.  
  
**SAM**  
Yo ass be thinkin I wanna do this, biatch? This is tha last thang I—  
  
SAM sits on tha bed.  
  
**SAM**  
But I need ta be phat enough.  
  
RUBY straddlez SAMz lap.  
  
**RUBY**  
It aint nuthin but all gravy. It aint nuthin but all gravy, Sammy. Yo ass can have dat shit.  
  
RUBY kisses SAM. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch pulls a knife from a ankle sheath n' cuts her arm, drawin blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! SAM dranks it straight from tha vein. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. RUBY strokes his hair.  
  
**RUBY**  
It aint nuthin but all gravy, Sam.  
  
RUBY smirks.  
  
INT. PRISON ROOM - NIGHT  
  
DEAN holdz up Rubyz knife fo' realz. ALASTAIR looks at it n' laughs.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Therez dat lil pig-poker n' shit. I wondered where it went.  
  
DEAN dips a ladle tha fuck into a funky-ass bowl of what tha fuck is presumably holy wata n' pours it over tha blade.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Do you straight-up be thinkin dis is gonna fix yo slick ass, biatch? Give you closure, biatch? That is sad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Thatz straight-up sad. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Sad, sad.  
  
DEAN approaches ALASTAIR, watches fo' a moment, n' stabs his muthafuckin ass fo' realz. A sizzlin sound.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
I carved you tha fuck into a freshly smoked up animal, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. There is no goin back.  
  
**DEAN**  
Maybe you right. But now itz mah turn ta carve.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
No!  
  
Da view pans ta a gangbangin' faucet dat is turned by a unseen hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Well shiiiit, it begins ta drip, right onto tha chalk of tha devilz trap on tha floor.  
  
INT. NEXT ROOM - NIGHT  
  
CASTIEL listens ta ALASTAIRz groans. Da light flickers, catchin CASTIELz attention; tha bulb explodes fo' realz. ANNA appears behind CASTIEL.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Anna.  
  
**ANNA**  
Yo muthafucka, Castiel.  
  
CASTIEL turns ta peep her muthafuckin ass.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Yo crazy-ass human body—  
  
**ANNA**  
Dat shiznit was fucked wit, I know. But I guess I be sentimental. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Called up in some oldschool favors and...  
  
ALASTAIR becomes slightly mo' audible.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Yo ass shouldn't be here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. We still have ordaz ta bust a cap up in you, biatch.  
  
**ANNA**  
Somehow I don't be thinkin you gonna try. Wherez Uriel?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Dude went ta receive revelation.  
  
**ANNA**  
Right.  
  
INT. PRISON ROOM - NIGHT  
  
DEAN pulls tha knife outta ALASTAIR, whose head falls forward. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN tilts it back up, ignorin tha blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! ALASTAIR laughs.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Now itz yo' professionalizzle dat I respect.  
  
DEAN turns away, disgusted. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time fo' realz. ALASTAIR spits blood.  
  
INT. NEXT ROOM - NIGHT  
  
**ANNA**  
Why is you lettin Dean do this?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Dat punk bustin Godz work.  
  
**ANNA**  
Torturing, biatch? Thatz Godz work, biatch? Quit him, Cas,. Biiiatch please.Before you fuck up tha one real weapon you have.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is we ta question tha will of God?  
  
**ANNA**  
Unless dis aint his will.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Then where do tha ordaz come from?  
  
**ANNA**  
I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. One of our superiors, maybe yo, but not his muthafuckin ass.  
  
INT. PRISON ROOM - NIGHT  
  
DEAN splashes ALASTAIR up in tha grill wit holy water; it steams n' sizzlez fo' realz. ALASTAIR gargles.  
  
**DEAN**  
Whoz murderin tha angels?  
  
ALASTAIR chokes.  
  
INT. NEXT ROOM - NIGHT  
  
**ANNA**  
Da daddy you love. Yo ass be thinkin da thug wants this, biatch? Yo ass be thinkin he'd ask diz of yo slick ass, biatch? Yo ass be thinkin dis is righteous?  
  
CASTIEL can't hook up her eyes.  
  
**ANNA**  
What you feeling, biatch? It aint nuthin but called doubt.  
  
INT. PRISON ROOM - NIGHT  
  
ALASTAIR screams n' chokes. DEAN pours up mo' holy water, splashes ALASTAIR up in tha face, n' watches his ass sizzle.  
  
INT. NEXT ROOM - NIGHT  
  
ANNA touches CASTIELz hand.  
  
**ANNA**  
These ordaz is wack n' you know dat shit. But you can do tha right thang. Yo ass be afraid, Cas. I was like a muthafucka. But together, we can still—  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Together?  
  
CASTIEL yanks his hand away.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
I aint a god damn thang like you, biatch. Yo ass fell. Go.  
  
**ANNA**  
Cas.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Go.  
  
ANNA vanishes. CASTIEL listens ta ALASTAIR scream.  
  
INT. PRISON ROOM - NIGHT  
  
ALASTAIR spits up blood n' holy water.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Yo ass is just not gettin deep enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Well, you lack tha resources. Realitizzle is just, I don't give a fuck, too concrete up here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho yo. Honestly, Dean...  
  
DEAN pours salt tha fuck into another container.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Yo ass have no clue how tha fuck shitty it straight-up was, n' what tha fuck you straight-up did fo' us.  
  
**DEAN, whispering**  
Shut up.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Da whole bloody thang, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da reason Lilith wanted you there up in tha straight-up original gangsta place.  
  
**DEAN**  
Well, then I be bout ta just make you shut tha fuck up.  
  
DEAN grabs ALASTAIRz chin.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Lilith straight-up—  
  
DEAN pours salt tha fuck into ALASTAIRz grill fo' realz. ALASTAIR tries ta scream.  
  
EXT. ROAD - NIGHT  
  
SAM drives all up in rain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude looks exactly like his dirty ass up in tha montage up in 3.11 Mystery Spot.  
  
INT. PRISON ROOM - NIGHT  
  
ALASTAIR spits up blood n' tries ta breathe.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Somethang caught up in mah throat. I be thinkin itz mah throat.  
  
**DEAN**  
Well, strap in, 'cause I be just startin ta have fun.  
  
DEAN goes back ta his cart.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Yo ass know, dat shiznit was supposed ta be yo' father.  
  
DEAN pours up mo' holy water.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Dude was supposed ta brang it on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But, up in tha end, dat shiznit was you, biatch.  
  
**DEAN**  
Brin what tha fuck on?  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Oh, every last muthafuckin night, tha same offer, remember, biatch? Same as yo' father.  
  
DEAN shakes salt onto tha blade of Rubyz knife.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
And finally you holla'd, "Sign me up." Oh, tha last time you picked up mah razor, tha last time you sliced tha fuck into dat weepin biiiatch...  
  
DEAN turns ta grill ALASTAIR.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
That was tha straight-up original gangsta seal.  
  
DEAN do not visibly react yo. Dude strutts closer.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass is lying.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
And it is freestyled dat tha straight-up original gangsta seal shall be fucked up when a righteous playa shedz blood up in hell fo' realz. As his thugged-out lil' punk-ass breaks, so shall it break.  
  
DEAN turns away.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Our thugged-out asses had ta break tha straight-up original gangsta seal before any others. Only way ta git tha dominoes ta fall, right, biatch? Topple tha one all up in tha front of tha line.  
  
Now dat DEAN aint facin ALASTAIR, his shock is visible on his wild lil' face.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
When we win, when we brang on tha apocalypse n' burn dis earth down, we'll owe all dat shiznit ta you, Dean Winchester.  
  
DEAN closes his wild lil' fuckin eyes, tryin not ta react.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Believe me, son, I wouldn't lie bout all dis bullshit. It aint nuthin but kind of a religious sort of thang wit mah dirty ass.  
  
ALASTAIR notices tha drippin faucet n' tha fucked up edge of tha devilz trap.  
  
**DEAN**  
No. I don't be thinkin yo ass is lying. But even if tha demons do win...  
  
DEAN looks at Rubyz knife.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass won't be there ta peep dat shit.  
  
DEAN turns around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! ALASTAIR is right behind him, outta tha chains.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Yo ass should rap ta yo' plumber bout tha pipes.  
  
ALASTAIR punches DEAN, whoz ass goes down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. ALASTAIR grins.


	4. Act Three

INT. PRISON ROOM – NIGHT

DEAN is covered up in blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! ALASTAIR holdz his ass by his hoodie collar n' punches his ass repeatedly, then drops his ass n' picks his ass up by tha throat n' shoves his ass up against tha hexacle, liftin his wild lil' feet off tha floor.  
  
**ALASTAIR  
** Yo ass gots a shitload ta learn, boy. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So I be bout ta peep you back up in class bright n' early Mondizzle morning.  
  
ALASTAIR turns around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! CASTIEL is behind his ass wit Rubyz knife fo' realz. ALASTAIR drops DEAN, whoz ass don't move, ta focus on CASTIEL, whoz ass stabs his ass up in tha ass. Da fuck-up sparks gold light yo, but not as much as when it kills.  
  
**ALASTAIR  
** Well, almost. Looks like Dogg is on mah side todizzle.  
  
CASTIEL lifts a hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da knife twists itself fo' realz. ALASTAIR grunts up in pain n' pulls up tha knife, then tosses it away n' charges CASTIEL. They fight fo' realz. ALASTAIR slams CASTIEL against tha wall, chokin his muthafuckin ass.  
  
**ALASTAIR  
** Well, like roaches, you celestials. Now, I straight-up wish I knew how tha fuck ta bust a cap up in you, biatch. But all I can do is bust you back ta heaven.  
  
ALASTAIR chants up in Latin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Blue light appears up in CASTIELz eyes n' grill fo' realz. ALASTAIR stops abruptly, choking, n' is slammed against tha wall. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM has arrived, one hand raised. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! CASTIEL slumps ta tha ground.  
  
**ALASTAIR  
** Stupid pet tricks.  
  
**SAM  
** Whoz murderin tha angels, biatch? How tha fuck is they bustin it?  
  
**ALASTAIR  
** Yo ass be thinkin I'ma tell yo slick ass?  
  
**SAM  
** Yeah, I do.  
  
SAM twists his hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! ALASTAIRz eyes roll white n' his schmoooove ass chokes.  
  
**SAM  
** How tha fuck is tha demons cappin' angels?  
  
**ALASTAIR  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck.  
  
**SAM  
** Right.  
  
**ALASTAIR  
** It aint nuthin but not us. We not bustin dat shit.  
  
**SAM  
** I don't believe you, biatch.  
  
**ALASTAIR  
** Lilith aint behind all dis bullshit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch wouldn't bust a cap up in seven angels. Oh, she'd bust a cap up in a hundred, a thousand.  
  
SAM stops.  
  
**ALASTAIR**  
Oh, go ahead. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Send mah crazy ass back, if you can.  
  
**SAM**  
I be stronger than dat now, nahmeean, biatch? Now I can kill.  
  
SAM holdz up his hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Gold light flares inside ALASTAIR as da perved-out muthafucka screams fo' realz. ALASTAIRz host collapses, dead as fuckin fried chicken.  
  
INT yo. HOSPITAL - DAY  
  
DEAN is up in bed, heavily bandaged wit a funky-ass breathang tube n' a IV drip. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM sits next ta his muthafuckin ass. CASTIEL appears all up in tha doorway, pauses, n' continues down tha hallway. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM bigs up his ass outta tha room.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Sam—  
  
**SAM**  
Git up in there n' heal his muthafuckin ass. Miracle. Now.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
I can't.  
  
**SAM**  
Yo ass n' Uriel put his ass up in there—  
  
**CASTIEL**  
No.  
  
**SAM**  
—because you can't keep a simple devilz trap together.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
I don't give a fuck what tha fuck happened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! That trap...it shouldn't have broken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I be sorry bout dat bullshit.  
  
**SAM**  
This whole thang was pointless. Yo ass KNOW that, biatch? Da demons aren't bustin tha hits, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Somethang else is cappin' yo' soldiers.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Perhaps Alastair was lying.  
  
**SAM**  
Fuck dat shit, da thug wasn't.  
  
SAM goes back ta DEAN. CASTIEL looks as though dat schmoooove muthafucka has been slugged up in tha face.  
  
EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SNOWY PARK - DAY  
  
URIEL sits on a funky-ass bench, eyes closed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! CASTIEL appears.  
  
**URIEL**  
Castiel, I received revelation from our superiors. Our brothers n' sistas is dyin n' they...they want our asses ta stop hustlin tha demon responsible.  
  
CASTIEL sits next ta URIEL.  
  
**URIEL**  
Somethang is wack up there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I mean, can you feel it?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Da murders. Maybe they aren't demonic. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sam Winchesta holla'd tha demons had not a god damn thang ta do wit dat shit.  
  
**URIEL**  
If not tha demons, what tha fuck could it be?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Da will of heaven. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. We is failing, Uriel. We is losin tha war. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Perhaps tha garrison is bein punished.  
  
**URIEL**  
Yo ass be thinkin our daddy would—  
  
**CASTIEL**  
I be thinkin maybe our daddy aint givin tha ordaz no mo'. Maybe there is suttin' wrong.  
  
URIEL standz up.  
  
**URIEL**  
Well, I won't wait ta be gutted.  
  
URIEL vanishes.  
  
EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SNOWY STREET - NIGHT  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Anna fo' realz. Anna, please.  
  
Da streetlight above CASTIEL flickers yo. Dude looks up, then turns around.  
  
**ANNA**  
Decided ta bust a cap up in me afta all?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
I be ridin' solo.  
  
**ANNA**  
What do you want from me, Castiel?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
I be thankin bout disobedience.  
  
ANNA nods.  
  
**ANNA**  
Good.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Fuck dat shit, it aint. For tha last time, I feel...  
  
**ANNA**  
It gets worse. Choosin yo' own course of action is confusing, terrifying.  
  
ANNA puts her hand on CASTIELz shoulder n' shiznit yo. Dude looks at it; her dope ass drops dat shit.  
  
**ANNA**  
Thatz right. Yo ass is too phat fo' mah help. I be just trash fo' realz. A struttin blasphemy.  
  
ANNA turns ta strutt away.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Anna.  
  
ANNA stops.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
I don't give a fuck what tha fuck ta do. Please tell me what tha fuck ta do.  
  
ANNA turns back.  
  
**ANNA**  
Like tha oldschool days, biatch? No. I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit. It aint nuthin but time ta be thinkin fo' yo ass.  
  
ANNA vanishes.  
  
INT. PRISON ROOM - DAY  
  
CASTIEL examines tha devilz trap yo. Dude notices tha drippin faucet n' shuts it off without touchin dat shit.  
  
**URIEL**  
Yo ass called?  
  
URIEL enters.  
  
**URIEL**  
What do you say, Castiel, biatch? Will you join me son, biatch? Will you fight wit me son?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Strange. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Strange how tha fuck a leaky pipe can undo tha work of angels when we ourselves is supposed ta be tha agentz of fate.  
  
**URIEL**  
Alastair was much mo' bangin than our crazy asses had imagined.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
No. No demon can overpower dat trap. I juiced it up mah dirty ass. We've been playaz fo' a long-ass time, Uriel. Fought by each otherz sides, served together away from home, fo' what tha fuck seems like forever n' shit. We brothers, Uriel. Pay me dat respect. Tell me tha real deal.  
  
**URIEL**  
Da truth is, tha only thang dat can bust a cap up in a angel...  
  
A sword slides outta URIELz sleeve tha fuck into his wild lil' freakadelic grasp.  
  
**URIEL**  
...is another angel.


	5. Act Four

**CASTIEL**  
You.  
  
**URIEL**  
I be afraid so.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
And you broke tha devilz trap, set Alastair on Dean.  
  
**URIEL**  
Alastair should never done been taken kickin dat shit, yo. Straight-Up inconvenient, Cas. Yes, I did turn tha screw a lil fo' realz. Alastair should have capped Dean n' escaped, n' you should have gone on happily scapegoatin tha demons.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
For tha murdaz of our kin?  
  
**URIEL**  
Not murders, Castiel. No. My fuckin work is conversion. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. How tha fuck long have we waited here, biatch? How tha fuck long have we played dis game by rulez dat make no sense?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
It be our fatherz ghetto, Uriel.  
  
**URIEL**  
Our father, biatch? Dude stopped bein that, if he eva was, tha moment his schmoooove ass pimped dem wild-ass muthafuckas yo. Humanity, his wild lil' favorites. This whining, pukin larva.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Is you tryin ta convert me son?  
  
**URIEL**  
I wanted you ta join mah dirty ass fo' realz. And I still do. With you, we can be bangin enough to—  
  
**CASTIEL**  
To...  
  
**URIEL**  
To raise our brother.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Lucifer.  
  
**URIEL**  
Yo ass do remember him, biatch? How tha fuck phat da thug was, biatch? How tha fuck dope, biatch? And da ruffneck didn't bow ta humanitizzle yo. Dude was punished fo' representin' us. Now, if you wanna believe up in something, Cas, believe up in his muthafuckin ass.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Lucifer aint Dogg.  
  
**URIEL**  
Dogg aint Dogg no mo' yo. Dude don't care what tha fuck our phat asses do. I be proof of all dis bullshit.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
But this, biatch? What was you gonna do, Uriel, biatch? Were you gonna bust a cap up in tha whole garrison?  
  
**URIEL**  
I only capped tha ones whoz ass holla'd no. Others have joined me, Cas. Now, please, brother, don't fight mah dirty ass yo. Help mah dirty ass yo. Help me spread tha word. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Help me brang on tha apocalypse fo' realz. All you gotta do is be unafraid.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
For tha last time up in a long-ass time, I am.  
  
URIEL smiles. CASTIEL punches his ass all up in tha wall nuff muthafuckin feet away. URIEL gets up. They fight. URIEL clobbers CASTIEL wit a metal bar; CASTIEL goes down.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Yo ass can't win, Uriel. I still serve Dogg.  
  
**URIEL**  
Yo ass aint even kicked it wit tha man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. There is no will. No wrath. No Dogg.  
  
Between each phrase, URIEL punches CASTIEL. Da last time, he raises his wild lil' fist n' is jabbed all up in tha neck from behind.  
  
**ANNA**  
Maybe. Or maybe not. But there be a still mah dirty ass.  
  
ANNA pulls up URIELz sword. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! URIEL collapses fo' realz. ANNA goes over ta CASTIEL. URIEL screams as white light flares up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes n' grill. Da light explodes outta his ass n' outta tha building. CASTIEL standz up n' looks down at URIELz corpse yo. His wings is seared tha fuck into tha floor across tha devilz trap.


	6. Act Five

INT yo. HOSPITAL - DAY  
  
DEAN is still up in bed, though tha breathang tube is gone. CASTIEL sits next ta his muthafuckin ass.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Is you all right?  
  
**DEAN**  
No props ta you, biatch.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Yo ass need ta be mo' careful.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass need ta learn how tha fuck ta manage a thugged-out damn devilz trap.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Thatz not what tha fuck I mean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Uriel is dead as fuckin fried chicken.  
  
**DEAN**  
Was it tha demons?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Dat shiznit was disobedience yo. Dude was hustlin against us.  
  
**DEAN**  
Is it true, biatch? Did I break tha straight-up original gangsta seal, biatch? Did I start all this?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Yes yes y'all. When our phat asses discovered Lilithz plan fo' you, our slick asses laid siege ta hell n' we fought our way ta git ta you before you—  
  
**DEAN**  
Jump-started tha apocalypse.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
And we was too late.  
  
**DEAN**  
Why didn't you just leave me there, then?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
It aint nuthin but not blame dat falls on you, Dean, itz fate. Da righteous playa whoz ass begins it is tha only one whoz ass can finish dat shit. Yo ass gotta stop dat shit.  
  
**DEAN**  
Lucifer, biatch? Da apocalypse, biatch? What do dat mean, biatch? Yo dawwwwg! Don't you go disappearin on me, you lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch. What do dat mean!  
  
**CASTIEL**  
I don't give a gangbangin' fuck.  
  
**DEAN**  
Bull.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
I don't. Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests wit you, biatch.  
  
**DEAN**  
Well, then you muthafuckas is screwed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I can't do it, Cas. It aint nuthin but too big-ass fo' realz. Alastair was right. I aint all here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I be not—I aint phat enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Well, I guess I aint tha playa either of our dadz wanted mah crazy ass ta be. Find one of mah thugs. It aint nuthin but not mah dirty ass.  
  
DEAN begins ta cry like a muthafucka.


End file.
